Some Thoughts For Those Of You Whose Weddings Haven't Happened Yet:
A) Try to determine if a spouse is in God's plan for you. Scripture clearly teaches that some are called to remain single. When I learned that God had called me to children's ministry--eventually doing so full-time in the Philippines--I inferred that I ought to marry, since being a single guy brings certain limitations to the ways one can serve children. I told the Lord about my reckoning, and I asked him to lead me otherwise if he had other plans. He didn't.
B) Set high standards for yourself and for your potential mate. I decided that I would only court a woman if she was dedicated to pleasing and enjoying the Lord Jesus Christ. And I had to continue to have this dedication as well.
C) Baptize your desire for a spouse in constant prayer. There is no way one can explain how I found such a perfect partner for me 7000 miles away, with limited travel and communication, except that we committed ourselves to prayer about it. My beloved and I share so many traits, tastes, and tendencies that it still amazes me that she was raised dirt-poor* on an Asian island, while I came from a middle-class East Coast suburb. And even the personality differences we have complement each other perfectly. I know she is God's gift to me.
D) IF you're sure God wants you married, don't just sit and wait! (Unless you sense that that's what God is leading you to do) Do you sit and wait for a job? For ministry? For a house? For friends?
Naomi wisely counseled Ruth how to obtain her husband, and God blessed her "outreach".
Here are ten suggestions that were written for single women, so the guys will have to adapt them:
1) Set a goal to meet a new unmarried man every week. He doesn't have to be the man of your dreams, but the process of interacting with men will help you to learn about the male gender, so that when you meet "the one", you might know better how to win his heart. And the one who didn't seem to be the man of your dreams might just be him, waiting to be discovered!
2) A great way to meet a man is to ask for help. Any man loves to help a woman. It makes him feel like a knight in shining armor, saving the damsel in distress. So wherever you are, be creative. If you're in a grocery store, after you check to make sure that he doesn't have a wedding ring, ask him if he knows where the soy sauce is. Smile, look him in the eyes, and thank him. It may lead to a conversation, or it may not. If it does, invite him to church! No matter what happens, you probably either learned a little something, or gained a little confidence, or got a chance laugh at yourself from that short interaction. In the church lobby, ask him if he knows where the song leader is. You get the idea. If this seems too bold or too desperate to you, remember Ruth! It's right there in your Bible.
3) You will meet non-Christian men, so please, please don't go past a nominal friendship with them! The Bible clearly teaches us to not marry outside the faith. Dating can lead to marriage, so don't date him if he doesn't have a vibrant, fruitful relationship with our Lord. If you aren't confident that you can faithfully resist temptation on this one, then don't do #1 or 2 outside of the church.
4) Show interest in him by asking questions, but don't dominate the conversation. Find something to compliment him about. Laugh at his jokes. As much as women want romance and love, that's how much men want respect and honor. By the way, these are all good things to keep doing if you marry him!
5) When you begin dating, don't go beyond a little kiss or a quick hug or holding hands. If you get involved physically, you won't have clarity of mind to evaluate him as a potential husband. Providing sexual excitement to you now doesn't mean that he will be a good mate. A Godly man will wait until after the wedding, and he will love you more when you say, "That's enough, dear."
6) Be confident. Don't put yourself down. Women I've met that I was considering dating have told me, "I think I'm fat", or, "I'm not very pretty, but I'm a good cook." Don't bring attention to your faults. This tells a guy that you might be full of self-pity. Focus on him, not your shortcomings.
7) Dress modestly. If a man is attracted to you only because of your mini-skirt, he is no man of God.
8) Check out the many Christian singles' sites on the internet. I know of two that are free (but they ask for donations)--fusion101.com, and christianet.com. Isaac certainly had help from others in getting his bride from afar.
9) Get involved in your church's ministries. Godly men are already doing that, and you can meet them and interact with them as you labor together for the Lord.
10) Above all, pray! Pray for wisdom, pray for guidance, pray for the ability to refrain from physical intimacy, and pray for your single male friends.
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Bonus: listen to this.
